R.S.V.P.

Act 2 Scene 12

(The Smoker walks out onto the balcony, outside the reception area, after finding out some entertaining news)

TS: So, yeah, you know how M. was supposed to have sent in my RSVP, with her own?
C: O.K. What about it?
TS: Turns out she didn't.
C: Whoa. So you're here "unexpectedly".
TS: Yup.
C: Dude, this is a pretty small wedding to do that. How did C. & A. react?
TS: Shit, man, they can't get angry on their wedding day. Besides, who doesn't love me?
C: Uh, yeah. Right. So do you even have a place at a table?
TS: Yeah, I got lucky cuz someone didn't show.
C: Damn, that's gotta be kinda awkward.
TS: You're telling me. I'll just have to make sure I get them a badass wedding gift.
C: What?!!? You haven't gotten them one already?!?!
TS: Quiet down, man. Shit! You want the whole world to know?
C: Uh, you're the only person in the world who can hear me.
TS: Oh. Right. Well, anyways, I never buy wedding gifts till after the wedding. So that way I can get them what everyone else forgot about. Besides, traditionally you have until the first anniversary to give them their gift. And they are gonna be living like 10 minutes away from me.
C: Oh, goody, another opportunity for you to procrastinate!
TS:(smoldering)...
TS: Fuck you, Cigarette.

(The Smoker looks around for an ashtray, finds a hollowed-out gourd, decides it should be an ashtray, and drops Cigarette in it)